“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.
‘ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
I have a friend, let’s call her “Gabby,” who is sees the negative in most communication she receives.
When Gabby listens to a voicemail saying, “give me a call, we need to catch up,” she predicts bad news. A vague email makes her almost as anxious as a scathing one. My theory is she reacts this way because she’s young and inexperienced, but that’s imprecise; she’s not THAT young nor is she particularly inexperienced.
Gabby’s just fragile.
As her friend, I wish I could peel open her head and dump in a huge batch of confidence. I wish she could see what others see in her. I wish she knew that people like her and are cheering her on. I wish she was more durable.
Granted, there may be a part of Gabby that’s wired to be nervous, but I also see her systematically protecting herself by surrounding herself with peers who are weaker versions of herself. I watch her wince at negative input and she’s slowing insulating herself out of fear of criticism or something else (I can only guess). She hasn’t asked for my advice, but if I could mentor her, I’d give her at least a few steps to thicken her skin. These are the things I’d tell her:
Seek Negative Feedback
The biggest opportunity for growth is understanding where you’ve failed. If you’ve made a mistake, dropped a ball, or missed expectations, the WORST possible outcome is to not realize there’s a problem. If you can’t hear the notes of a song, you shouldn’t be in the choir. If your job performance isn’t meeting expectations, or has room for growth, FIND OUT! Don’t accept praise without simultaneously asking, “What could I have done better?”
Move Toward Messes
Most people avoid messes, but when you learn how to cope with chaos, you build your confidence. Every situation that falls apart is a growth opportunity. Lee Iacococa didn’t find make his mark while working at Ford, but had to move to bankrupt Chrysler to have an impact. Oprah Winfrey was fired from her newsroom job because she was always getting too emotionally invested in her stories. When my doctor friends talk about their rotation through the hospital Emergency Room, they site the growth of working in such a demanding environment. Look at your messes as similar training!
Know Your Strengths
When you know your strengths, you’ll be less embarrassed by your weaknesses. If you don’t have “WOO” (“Winning Others Over”) and you were intimidated by hosting an event, you know why. If someone assigns you to an analytical project and you’re thrilled by running numbers, you can lean into your sweet spot. When you understand how to work out of your strengths, you’re more likely to outsource those areas where you’re weak AND do so without apology!
Find a healthy perspective
Everyone benefits from discipline, but a slap on the hand shouldn’t crumple your self-esteem. You’re less than perfect and others know it. So what? Don’t dismiss and don’t inflate the input. Instead, acknowledge, adjust, and move on. If you’re unable to do this, do something (anything) where you’re serving someone else. By doing so, you’ll shift your focus away your situation and give you a new perspective.
What practices have helped you be more durable?
My favorite thing on the menu is, easily, the Cobb Salad. Of course, there’s a dearth of good salads in Atlanta, so I can’t help but be excited about a dish so perfectly balanced. See the avocados? Nom. Nom. I like the carrot ginger vinaigrette, but the Vidalia onion is tasty too.
If you’re in the mood for a sandwich, the California club is like having the Cobb Salad on a baguette. Nothing wrong with that option!
I came home from a trip a couple of weeks ago and completely forgot we were having friends over the next day and I needed snacks. I was absolutely NOT going to get back in my car and out to the grocery store, so I had to comb through my pantry and fridge to come up with the ingredients for a dip. This combination came out of one of the ancient 
After processing, transfer to a bowl and adjust the seasoning (in case you want more heat!)
Serve with tortilla or pita chips.
Boom! Done! Enjoy!
I was heading into a day of back-to back meetings with no margin for running out to the grocery store to grab safety pens. What to do? What to do?
“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”
Have you ever avoided initiating an awkward conversation?
Be always lavish of your caresses, and sparing in your corrections.
Do you hear your mom’s voice rattle around in your head? Do you ever notice your mannerisms in the mirror as distinctly coming from your mom? Can you hear the tone of your voice as though it comes directly from your childhood?
Are you tempted NOT to eat out for Mother’s Day? This is one day of the year when I LOVE staying close to home and avoiding the crowds and hectic pace of the restaurant scene. However, I don’t mind turning over the kitchen to the budding cooks in my house. The only challenge is, what to make?
Using the cap of the olive oil container as a guide, have your child drizzle the chicken with oil.
Season with a pinch of salt and ground pepper and then bake for approximately 15 minutes.
On a separate sheet, lay out the tomatoes and sprinkle with just a little salt.
Use a teaspoon to top each tomato slice with pesto sauce.
Sprinkle Parmesan cheese on top.
Top with a fresh basil leaf. After the chicken is finished, increase oven temp to 400 and roast for 7-9 minutes.
This is a great side dish for other meals and makes a pretty display.
May 20, 2013
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